Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
