i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize