My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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