a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
