Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
