every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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