Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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