sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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