I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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