When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
please don't ironically join a cult
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