Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
