Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
