Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
