Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
