You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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