I will die if light touches me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
