So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize