We're like a lot better than the average bears
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
