ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
