Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
