You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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