Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
