who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
