so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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