I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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