Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
