Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize