remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
