i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
