We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
