Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My penis needs a shock collar
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
