Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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