pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
