I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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