Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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