I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
