How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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