Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
