i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
