One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
