I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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