I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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