So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
