I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
