I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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