I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
