so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
