haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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