She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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