Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
