I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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