and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
