go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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