Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize