Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize