why didn't you poke me back
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
