I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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