sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
