I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
