Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
