My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
