Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
