How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
