Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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