CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
