Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
