dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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