Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize