We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
