His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
