i permit you to call me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
