also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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